OK, that’s a lie – it was not a vacation at all. Some of you know that I was in Florida last week for a work conference, and I was lucky enough to stay at Disney’s Coronado Springs Resort. I was relaxing by the pool, for the hour I didn’t have to work, thinking about this strange place that millions of people from around the world flock to. Are they crazy? Am I missing something? To work it out for myself, it seemed a top 10 list was the only way to go. So here goes….
You know you’re at Disney if:
1. There is a kid underfoot, screaming, crying, yelling or fighting with a sibling at every turn – including at the ADULTS ONLY, QUIET pool where I am writing this and watching a robust game of Marco Polo.
2. A Miller Light is $8, or a day at the park (if you are 10 or over) is $78. I would recommend having 9 and 3/4 beers rather then braving the park.
3. Mickey ears are found in every nook and cranny, including on bed spreads, soap, rugs, the pancake griddle, holes in Crocs and the electrical/phone poles on the side of the highway.
4. Your hotel TV has 17 different Disney themed channels including Disney Radio, Disney Telemundo, Disney Family, Disney Cuisine, Disney Park Tours, Disney Adventure – About that, they actually take Disney themed tours to Yellowstone and Glacier Parks. Imagine driving through Yellowstone and on the side of the road you see a group of tourists with Mickey hats on getting their picture taken in front of Old Faithful?
5. Every parking lot is named. Did I park my little Yaris rental in Goofy or Mini last night?
6. There are fireworks that sound like a mortar attack at 12 every night.
7. Every tourist (I am guessing mostly from the mid-west) has a bright red sunburn. I am realizing that as I sit here I am frying too, maybe I just want to fit in? Or maybe I was too cheap to buy the $23 suntan lotion.
8. All structures are painted somewhere on the pink spectrum.
9. All the people that work at Disney, including maintenance men, bus drivers and waiters, are called Cast Members. The lucky ones that get to dress up as Disney characters like Dumbo or Tink (slang for Tinkerbell) are call VIP Cast Members.
10. Your 4:00am wake up call is Cinderella singing “wake up you sleepy head! Time to get moooooving and grooooving! And you be sure to have a magical day!!! Ouch.
I think if I remember right, I loved this place as a kid. When did I become Scrooge McDuck and turn on the Magic Kingdom? I promise I will try it again in 10-20 years when I have my own kids – or if you know any kids you could loan me, that would be even easier. Have a magical day!